Just Add Vice on Relationships
You're Breaking Up...
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...with me?
My boyfriend and I are constantly breaking up - well, my phone or his phone is...usually it's my phone, at least that's his opinion. With more cell phones than ever before beeping and barking at us constantly and incessantly, I think it's important to go back to basics: good phone etiquette, the new black.
First, a story. I once dated a man who was being deployed to Kuwait. I knew he was leaving, but for some reason I just had to date him anyway. The funny thing was the only time I ever really talked to him on the phone was when he had a few international minutes to kill while he was over there. Seriously. That army man would have texted my life away if we had stayed together. I'm sure he had a good cry when he found out that he wasn't going to have texting capabilities while he was overseas - ok, maybe not a good cry, but he definitely was a little pained about it.
For some odd reason he thought that it was easier to have a text message conversation than just picking up the phone! I tried a little experiment after he returned home. He wanted to get together, so he expressed via text messages and Facebook chats, but I was unimpressed. Ever since my parents got me my own phone line in middle school, I was hooked. I decided that I wouldn't go on another date with army man unless he truly manned up and called me. Needless to say, not that many dates occurred after I imposed the phone call rule.
Back to basics - phone calls and thank you notes. Handwritten thank you notes seems to have gone the way of the dinosaur, but they are still incredibly effective, just as is a good phone call. The Three Day Rule. It's an interesting rule. Someone asks you out, you both have a good time, then whoever did the initial asking is supposed to wait three days before calling the other person back in order to schedule another date. Here's my take on this: waiting is nice. It gives both people a chance to mull things over. It activates a sense of "absence makes the heart grow fonder." However, what if the date was awful? Plan of attack - call the next day. Explain that you had a good time, but that the other person isn't your brand and you wish them the best of luck in his/ her search for the one. Quick and dirty - like ripping off a band aid. It's much better than not receiving a phone call, which I think is the mark of someone who doesn't have a whole lot of tact.
As far as the Three Day Rule, maybe that's the route you choose to go, personally, I'd augment it. The following day, call the other person, if you did the asking. You just want to let them know that you had a good time. That's it. Short, simple, totally whets the appetite. Then a few days later call the other person and ask them out on another date, if they haven't already asked you. Oh, and did you notice I said CALL. Not email, text or Facebook chat. Ninety percent of communication is already lost when you are not physically present, why chop that 10 percent up more?
So yes, I am telling you pick up the phone. Stop hiding behind text messages and Facebook chat quips. A good phone call never goes out of style, just like a great pair of black pumps.
Paige S. Morrow is the pseudonym of our mysterious relationships columnist who lurks among the student body at the Annenberg School of Journalism. Her real identity will be revealed at the end of the '09-'10 school year.
Who would have thought a post on communication would cause such an outrage?! Actually it makes perfect sense. People rock at life but suck at communicating -- on the phone, via email, by facebook message, and even in person. How many times have you gotten mad at someone for not "reading" you correctly only to realize later that he or she was never provided with all the facts? I think that true chemistry and genuine interest allow us to overcome our communication insecurities. Does it really make sense to hide behind something when you want someone to know and like and love the real you? If you remain masked, however, other people are left to interpret, analyze, and relate your words within their personal contexts. (In this case, Paige, I think your "mask" rightly enables your readers to give your words meaning in relation to their own lives. Or am I missing the point of this anonymous blog?)
I'm on Kevin's side! Give us your name!
Something must be said about the fact that the means with which people communicate are equivalent to how seriously they're willing to take you.
I met my ex online. I thought he was hot, added him on MySpace and he accepted because he was intrigued. We IMd each other for three months before we decided to meet in person.
The first time he told me he loved me, it was in a hand-written note.
When he proposed, it was in person. I also said "no" in person.
Maybe the army man just wasn't that into you.
Hey Paige, what to go on a date? Oh wait that's what you were complaining about....
I'd call, but unfortunately we DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR REAL NAME. I suggest you take your own advice: stop hiding behind a fake name. Have the guts to speak transparently or it undercuts any advice you give on how we should be conducting ourselves...got to run and text a girl, no wait maybe just Facebook her, does anyone know how to use Morse code?
Calling would be ideal, but instead of demanding that we call you, how about taking a little time to first examine why so many guys feel the need to text and/or Facebook chat.
The simple answer is that texting or chatting is the safest form of asking a girl out. If a guy is shy or afraid of rejection (both traits I admittedly struggle with), then it takes a huge amount of effort just to go up to a girl period, let alone ask them out. If someone like this actually does get the nerve to aska girl out, then the scariest thing to do would be to either do the deed face to face or over the phone. In each of those scenarios, a man faces instant rejection in the form of those words some of us here all too often ("Oh, that's sweet, but I just don't see you in that way" or the classic "But I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship"). Not having to see the girls face or hear her words directly, that is to choose the text or internet chat route, lessens the pain.
I know we're pathetic, but we do have our (equally pathetic) reasons.