"It's just hit after hit," said Arthur Fitzmaurice, Chair of the L.A. Archdiocese Ministry to Lesbian and Gay Catholics.

The outreach program, one of a handful of such ministries nationwide, was founded by Cardinal Roger Mahoney 24 years ago to provide a welcoming and supportive space for homosexual Catholics.

Despite labeling homosexuality as "disordered," and against "natural law," the Roman Catholic Church advocates acceptance, support and humane treatment of the gay community.

Many Catholic gays and lesbians practice openly in half a dozen L.A. parishes with active gay and lesbian outreaches, but Fitzmaurice said the environment has changed since the issue of same sex marriage entered the spotlight.

"Groups are suffering because people are just not interested in being a part of the Church anymore and are just leaving altogether."

His own parish group, St. Monica's Gay and Lesbian Organization in Santa Monica, once 300 members strong, cancelled its annual Christmas party this year due to lack of interest.
Fitzmaurice is concerned that the vocal stance the Church has taken against same sex marriage is driving more and more gays and lesbians outside the faith.

"I know how the Church catechism falls on the issue I just wish they would stay out of it and embrace the separation of church and state."

During the 2008 election, the California Catholic Conference, which includes all California bishops, released an official statement urging Catholics to provide "both the financial support and the volunteer efforts needed for the passage of Proposition 8." The national Catholic service organization, Knights of Columbus, donated $1 million to support the Yes on 8 campaign.
 
Last November, the US Conference of Catholic Bishops released a pastoral letter advising Catholics entitled, Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan. It said the "troubling development" of same sex unions, "harms both the intrinsic dignity of every human person and the common good of society."

Statements like that have kept many gay and lesbians away from the MLGC. Part of the Ministry involves outreach at gay pride events, where Fitzmaurice reports the reception of late has ranged from cool to downright aggressive.

"I think it's harder to be Catholic in the gay community than to be gay in the Catholic community right now," he said.

Coco Gallegos is feeling the backlash as well. A life-long Catholic who has been in a committed lesbian relationship for 40 years, Gallegos said she was sick of constantly explaining herself to friends in the gay and lesbian community.

"I've never felt discriminated against in my life - not for being short, not for being Mexican, not for being illegal, not for being lesbian. But for being Catholic I got it."

A one-time board member of MLGC and organizer with her parish Gay and Lesbian Organization, Gallegos said she has taken a "hiatus" from the Church because she got "fed up" over Prop 8.

"I don't have words to defend the Church on that issue any more," she said. "I'm laying low right now. I don't want to get too involved anymore."

But still some persist in pushing for change from within. "I think there are a lot of wonderful aspects to the Church when it comes to ritual and social justice," said Jennifer O'Malley, a current board member with MLGC and leader of the Catholic lesbian group, Sophia's Circle.

"I think all of us have struggled with this idea of 'Where do I fit in this Church that says I'm disordered?'" she said. "But it's important to have a space within the Church where folks can come together and receive support around those experiences."

O'Malley and her wife were among the 18,000 same sex couples to be granted a marriage in California before the passage of Proposition 8. She, along with others in MLGC, has taken part in a letter-writing campaign to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops questioning the idea that same sex unions are harmful to society. She and Fitzmaurice were also part of a delegation that met with Cardinal Mahoney last fall to express concerns over the Catholic position on Prop 8.
 
O'Malley said Mahoney listened to their concerns but did not engage in active dialogue. However he published a letter to homosexual Catholics in the Archdiocese publication, "Tidings," that Fitzmaurice believes was his response.

In the letter Mahoney said he regretted that "the ballot information about Proposition 8 stated that the purpose of the initiative was 'to ban gay marriage,'" saying it was never the intention of the Church to "diminish the importance of ... our homosexual brothers and sisters." They sought only to resist the legal redefinition of marriage, "understood as the life-long relationship of a man and a woman ordered to the good of the spouses and to the procreation and education of their children."

Though O'Malley has no illusions as to the likelihood of the Catholic Church changing its position any time soon, she hopes to at least open the dialogue.

"My wish for the immediate future is that the bishops and the hierarchy of the Church really take time to listen to the experiences of people and really take those experiences into account before they write these documents that purport to inform the beliefs of millions of Catholics."

For O'Malley, the Catholic Church is more than a collection of doctrines and rituals to be supported or abandoned according to one's own views - it's an identity.

"Its part of who I am and part of who my family is," she said. "Its hard for me to leave just because I don't agree with this one particular teaching. I don't think that's the basis of the Catholic Church."